Sceptic’s Guide to Friday 13th – Coronavirus Edition

[Coronavirus edition Friday 13th 2020]

Para-skevi-deka-tria-phobia! Fantastic!
Every time it comes along we hope that we get past it,
Without the loss or limb or life, our money on our plastic,
Para-skevi-deka-tria-phobia! Fantastic!

Um-diddle-iddle-iddle Um-diddle-eye,
Um-diddle-iddle-iddle Um-diddle-eye

I gave our black cat a rub. It nearly scratched my eye out,
As it ran it tripped me up, I bumped my head and passed out.
When I came around at night, I reached to switch the light on,
It seems the cat had pissed on me, I lit up like New Brighton.

The current flowed right through my veins, boiling up my blood,
I knew that something must be wrong, I wasn’t feeling good.
I hadn’t rubbed a rabbit’s foot, I realised I should.
I’d mixed my superstitions up. I hadn’t understood.

Um-diddle-iddle-iddle Um-diddle-eye,
Um-diddle-iddle-iddle Um-diddle-eye

I heard cricket in the house is supposed to bring you luck.
I bowled a goolgy down the lounge, but then I cried “Oh fuck!”
I’d smashed the mirror on the wall, I’d really come unstuck.
My first attempt at superstition, I’m out for a duck!

When we were young we were told what we should and shouldn’t do,
And wiping snot on your sleeves was definitely taboo,
And that applied with a cold, or even with the flu.
Now it’s bad luck not to do what we were told not to.

Coronavirus came along an gave a big fuck you!
It’s bad luck now for everyone whenever you “Ah-chu!”
So elbows bent and cough and spit as much as you must do,
But for good luck’s sake use your sleeve as your backup tissue.

Four-leaf clovers, right-hand hitches, horseshoes that were lost,
An itchy palm, clothes inside out, fingers that are crossed,
I don’t get this superstition stuff, I’ve found out to my cost.
It’s all a load of balls to me. It’s going to be tossed.

Um-diddle-iddle-iddle Um-diddle-eye,
Um-diddle-iddle-iddle Um-diddle-eye

I need a better look at life, something antithetic
To this superstition that makes me so apoplectic!
How anyone believes that crap, it really is pathetic!
Fuck that para-skevi-shit, I’m going to stay a sceptic!

Triskaideka’s bull shit, it really isn’t magic!
Every time it comes along we hope that we get past it,
Without the loss or limb or life, our money on our plastic,
Para-skevi-deka-tria-phobia! How Tragic!

Happy Friday the 13th!

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